Stupid Package Labels

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

  • On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have to work on my hair!)
  • On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
  • On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (And that would be???….)
  • On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but it’s just a suggestion.)
  • On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.” (well…duh, a bit late, huh!)
  • On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after heating.” (…and you thought????…)
  • On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me time?)
  • On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
  • On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (…I’m taking this because???….)
  • On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to what?)
  • On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
  • On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts” (talk about a news flash!)
  • On an American Airlines packet of nuts–“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: say what?)
  • On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
  • On a Swedish Chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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